Swearing - Why can't I just stop?

Swearing is something that most humans seem to do every day. I can’t be the only one, right? Why is it so bloody hard to be mad without it taking my language in a direction that would make my mother-in-law blush (sorry Nana)?

I don’t know how to be angry and not cuss. That’s a problem I’ve had for decades, and just when I think I’m making progress, something happens, and I snap. My fuse is longer than it’s ever been, but evidently, it’s still not long enough.

Swearing - I wish I could just zip it.

I’ll offer an example of said anger: When a computer suddenly stops working while a farm broadcaster/writer is trying to record an important webinar, the thermostat can take off rather quickly. A couple of loud F-Bombs (my go-to when angry) later and a temper tantrum while stomping up and down the stairs, and suddenly, all the progress I’ve made in recent weeks goes by the wayside.

Now, I’m angry at MYSELF for being angry. I’m not setting an example for my wife and son, and neither am I honoring God. How do I express anger in a healthy way? So, as I’m looking around the internet for some helpful suggestions, I get caught a little off guard.

Dr. David Seamands, a longtime missionary to India, came across an interesting quote during his lengthy career. The author and scholar figured out that anger is a healthy emotion. My first reaction is, “Wait, what are we talking about here?”

“Anger is a divinely implanted emotion,” the quote says (Seamands didn’t cite the author, but the quote itself seems to make sense). “Closely allied to our instinct for what’s right, it’s designed to be used for constructive spiritual purposes” (WHAT? Anger has never been constructive for me). “The person who cannot feel anger at evil is a person who lacks enthusiasm for good. If you cannot hate wrong, it’s very questionable whether you really love righteousness.”

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of using anger for constructive purposes, be it spiritual or secular. I can remember trying to justify anger to my wife by saying, “Men just get mad. We’re going to have bursts of temper and you just have to learn to deal with it.” I look back on that now and ask myself, “Who was that moron?” If one of my boys said that to a significant other, I’d probably have something to say about that.

swearing - what's actually coming out of my mouth?

Maggie Scarg wrote about anger in the New York Times Magazine years ago, comparing the damage anger can do to a shotgun. If you’ve ever fired a shotgun before, or if you’ve seen someone do it, you know it can do substantial damage. Billy Sunday, a one-time baseball player for the Chicago White Sox who later became one of the country’s best-known evangelists, had an interesting way to look at anger.

A lady once came to Billy Sunday and tried to rationalize her angry outbursts (just like I tried to do with my wife). “There’s nothing wrong with losing my temper,” the lady said. “I blow up, and then it’s all over (I swear I said pretty much the same thing to Monique). “So does a shotgun,” Sunday replied. “Look at the damage it can leave behind.” Getting angry can sometimes be like leaping into a wonderfully responsive sports car, gunning the motor, taking off at high speed, and then discovering the brakes are out of order.

It’s official: my brakes are still out of order! How do I disconnect anger from swearing?

In a sermon by Wesleyan pastor Dennis Guptill, he says his father put swearing into perspective. “My dad put swearing into perspective for me a long time ago when he said that ‘obscenities are the refuge of illiterates and children.” That got me thinking.

Is that what I was doing when I was pitching a fit and cussing when my computer acted up? Was I an overgrown child stamping his foot and saying, “IT’S NOT FAIR!?” Oh, man. I think I was acting like a spoiled brat. I bet it makes our parents so proud when we behave like that?

That sermon from Dennis Guptill goes on to say that, “Regardless of the reason you might cuss, as a Christ-follower, there is a good reason not to. Ephesians 4:29 says, ‘Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’”

Lord, I need your help with that! I don’t wanna be a spoiled brat and damage my witness! In Matthew 15:17-18, Jesus Himself says, “Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. But the words you speak come from your heart, and that’s what defiles you.”

Do we sound defiled, or do we sound like Christ’s followers?

My dad is a preacher at the Zion Community Church in Wilmot, South Dakota, and my hero. While showing him this article, he told me point-blank that, “Before I was saved, sometimes seven of every nine words out of my mouth were not safe for work.” He said the Lord showed him over more than 40 years of being a Jesus follower that He changes hearts.

Let’s ask Him to change our heart. He promises to do that if we let Him!